Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Posted by Sheye Rosemeyer at 2:03 PM
Friday, August 24, 2007
Posted by Sheye Rosemeyer at 10:43 PM
Just. It's impossible to put into words just how draining this week has been - much more than I could have imagined. What I do want to say is just how overwhelmed I am with the incredible support so many of you have shown us. We have been carried by kindness through the most difficult of days..
For every beautiful card, email, phone call, flower and gift after beautiful gift, we are so grateful. To be able to sit and unwrap the most heartfelt presents on her day meant more than I could adequately express. I wish I could say I have been able to email every single person individually to express my thanks but alas, I have not. We are still coming up for air after facing such a huge hurdle and also attending a ceremony this morning for Ava and one of her angel friends, Yasmine. It was hard but it was also a truly beautiful service and has been a little bit of healing for today.
So thankyou, 1000 thankyous, to every single beautiful soul who has kept us in their thoughts and prayers and gone out of their way to hold our hands through this week.
With so much love.
Posted by Sheye Rosemeyer at 2:20 PM
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
She was my every wish granted.
My dream, literally, come true.
I want to reflect on the pure joy that she brought us, every single day.
To never forget the wonderful impact she has made on our family.
To truly celebrate the gift of Ava.
I'm trying, with all my heart and soul, to find peace, to be brave, as her birthday arrives.
Happy Birthday, my darling girl. Iloveyousomuch.
Posted by Sheye Rosemeyer at 11:41 PM
Saturday, August 18, 2007
So many things have shifted since losing Ava. So many. I can't help feeling like my whole belief system has evaporated - I had such a certainty that karma took care of everything - that I had a good life because I was a good person, that life was kind to me because I "did the right thing".. I liked having that belief - it felt secure and right. It's another loss for me that I now understand that no-one is keeping score. Sure, maybe when I arrive where it is that I end up, perhaps it will matter but for here and now it has become apparent that I have very little control over whether my day includes joy or tragedy. From here on when I "do the right thing", I know it's just because well, it's the right thing. Nothing more, nothings less. No expectations, no balance sheet, no payback. And really, it's such an insult to all the other good people who have had bad things happen that I held this belief in the first place. How incredibly conceited of me.
The other thing that has been on my mind a lot is just how blessed we were but we didn't know it. We thought we did, we spoke of it very often, we just didn't really know it. I think we are conditioned, in Western society, to perceive lucky as big house, new car, overseas holiday..and the rest. There's nothing wrong with wanting nice things, hell -I'm guilty of having a well thumbed Tiffays catalogue by my bedside..but what I now know so completely is that richness is truly right there, no matter what car/house/boat you do or don't own. I'm not an envious person by nature but suddenly I find myself so very jealous and wanting to tell families in supermarkets "My God..You are SOOO lucky. Do you know?" I want to tell people to get down on their knees, daily, and be so truly thankful for their full, whole, complete families. To smother their children with hugs, to tell their partners they adore them. To stop worrying about stuff that Does Not Matter. To not procrastinate, to not left words unsaid, to not assume a tomorrow. I am still blessed, I do know I have a lot to remain thankful for but when I look back, I feel so much frustration that we didn't truly know..
Well I guess that's enough rambling for one night...Grandad came back from 10 weeks in the UK today and the boys got up at 5am to prepare for his arrival (at 9!!)..They were beyond excited. To fill in time, of course I got the camera out.
Ivish, wearing a selection of beautiful jewels sent to us from Carrie yesterday..along with some other very special things..but more about that in another post.
And here is Mason running onto the coach that dropped Grandad off - he simply could not wait any longer :) How happy do they both look?
And I love Grandad's sheer joy at holding Ivy again.
Posted by Sheye Rosemeyer at 7:41 PM
Saturday, August 11, 2007
As I've often mentioned, Susannah's CD's make up the entire music collection in my car - I'd be lost without them and I think the boys like them as much as I do...
The other day Luca asks to hear a song by Cold War Kids - We Used To Vacation. A very sorry song, it has always saddened me listening to the tortured, desperate lyrics of a man with a drinking problem and the effects on his family. The chorus cries..
"I promised to my wife and children, I'd never touch another drink as long as I live".
I find it and Luca starts to sing along....We get to said chorus and he belts out, completely seriously, this..
"I promised to my wife and children, I'd never touch another CHICKEN as long as I live".
Oh the visions!!!I never imagined I could listen to that song and laugh :p If you read my previous post about the chicken aversion, it makes perfect sense I guess!!
Different day, different CD and Susannah has included a great mash up from the Beastie Boys... It's been a while since I listened to the Beasties and I'd forgotten about some of the more choice lyrics...."Living at home is such a drag. My Mum threw away my best porno mag". Mason pops up and says "Mum, mum, what did he say? What did his Mum throw out?" I try to ignore for a while but he's not letting it go - I'm desperately trying to think up a suitable response when, to my horror, Luca says "I'll tell him Mum". Before I can intervene, Luca explains "My Mum threw away my best orn-a-ment". Great!!! That works. I can just imagine Adrock, totally devestated to find his best Lladro figurine in the trash... !!
I love getting these glimpses into their childish World, where everything is innocent and naive..It's everything I try to capture in my photos.
Anyway, some pics from a trip to the beach last weekend..
Posted by Sheye Rosemeyer at 3:35 PM
Sunday, August 05, 2007
"A little it of Happy" is what one of the CD's Susannah sent me the other day was appropriately called. I do feel like I've been given more than a little bit of happy in different forms this week...Amidst some really shabby days, I was given such beautiful things to make me smile...
Another beautiful card from Jen...two more Sus mixtapes...lots of lovely supportive emails... a trip to the beach with the kids...a note from one of the kindy girls to say Ava's gardenia had flowered for the first time (on the six month anniversary weekend) - so many things to be grateful for in an otherwise challenging week.
Posted by Sheye Rosemeyer at 7:09 AM
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Posted by Sheye Rosemeyer at 8:53 PM
Thursday, August 02, 2007
It's just started to warm up a little so I've changed my header and music to suit. I know Heart Of Glass is a little miserable but because 1. I love this version, 2. It sounds a bit tropical and 3. I am more than a little miserable this week, it's working quite well for me. I used to love Summer so much but I have to admit it no longer holds the same feelings as the warmer days approach.
Posted by Sheye Rosemeyer at 2:49 PM