Smiling.

I am.
How lucky do I feel? Very.

I never, ever expect the amazing support I get - you, you beautiful people, always catch me unaware and I sit back in amazement and wonder and gratitude. Thankyou.
So many reasons to smile.

All the beautiful words and thoughts and prayers and emails..making me feel less alone this week..the beautiful poems and stories shared..they all made a difference.

The sweetest butterfly earings from Krysta arrived, suprising me as I surely thought a box from Juicy could only mean one thing. Wrong, I was, and so glad for it because these are just perfect.

Sue sent me Coco. If you're not obsessed with Maileg as I previously divulged, you may not be aware that Coco is, in fact, a bunny. Though to describe her as that is so very inadequate for Coco is wearing a pink crochet frock, knickers and mary-janes. Are you with me now? See? But, even better, Coco arrived with her formal attire as well..A pink evening gown with tiara, silver knickers and silver shoes. Oh, and on a coathanger, of course. She is so, so divine and I cannot believe she is mine.




Lea sent me Bailea's Twingy skirt. It made me cry to see that fabric as I opened her parcel. Not sad tears, just overwhelmed tears. That I am so lucky to have such beautiful people in my life. She said for me to let Ivy play dressup in it. And isn't that just perfect? That the skirt that I had obsessed over and imagined would be worn to the most special of occassions would in fact end up in the dress up box. I love that it encompasses everything I know to be true now..That there is nothing more important than just letting your children live in the moment and being right there with them. Such a perfect gift.

The amazing photographer, Dee (Detra) did this beautiful, beautiful tribute for Ava. You only need to look at it to know what it meant to see it. I keep going back to stare at it some more. Dee, you took my breath away.


Jen sent me a rainbow. It started out as a card but it was more than that. On Ava's birthday last year, as we sat at the memorial garden, the sky gave us a beautiful rainbow. On Friday, as we drove away from the Gold Coast, the skies opened for the first time in weeks and it absolutely poured. We could not see in front of us for a few minutes while traffic almost halted on the highway. When it did clear though, the rainbow was glorious. The clearest and most vivid I had ever seen. When I got home, Jens card had arrived complete with the most gorgeous image of a rainbow and butterflies.

Kate gave me something so very beautiful that I'm keeping it for it's own post. It needs photos, lots of them.

And one more gift? Out of nowhere, Ivy called me "Miss Mummy". And suddenly, for the first time since February 2007, I remembered that Ava used to call me that. How I forgot, I don't know..but I did. And to hear those words again..my heart sings.

Our day was peaceful. We visited Paradise Kids and donated the money from the workshop registrations and attended Parent Group. It was nice to see everyone.
We then went to Ava's garden and released balloons and stayed a while.
A simple, quiet day that didn't feel right but didnt' feel wrong either and that is a huge baby step forward from last year.

Thankyou, again, so very much to all of you.

Love,
Ava's Mummy.
xx