Ten Things {About Me}

1. I spent some of my childhood and teenage years in Papua New Guinea. My parents managed hotels and for a couple of years we went to school in Port Moresby. We thought nothing of going shopping with security guards and barely noticed the 10ft fences topped with barbed wire around our house. We weren't even that concerned the night our chef got drunk and chased my father with a huge kitchen knife.

What I do remember is having lots of possum type creatures (cus cus) as pets, speaking in Pigeon English and meeting some of the most beautiful, real people. My experiences there made me despise racism from a very young age..I just didn't, and still don't, understand how people can judge an entire race when there is so much beauty to be found in individuals the World over.

2. I suffer from simple partial epileptic seizures. I would have put that in past tense except I had another today, after years of thinking they were no more. They are something like de ja vu except so intense it stops me in my tracks and takes over my entire thought process for a minute or two at most. They also make me cry. The doctor told me I'm still normal. He doesn't know me very well.

3. I have a secret and rather complex handshake with one of my children. We've had it for around three years. No other member of my family is aware of it.

4. I have numerous nicknames. To my Dad I'm "Wik". To Crayton and Jennifer I'm "Sheisty". To Sherrie I'm "Schlemmy". I also answer to variations of Sheye such as Cher (Crayton's relatives) and Shy (Ian Ziering from 90210 after we met, as you do in downtown LA.)

5. I'm vegetarian and haven't eaten red meat for seven years. I have started eating chicken very occasionally recently. Don't mistake me for a lentil and chick pea kinda girl though, I live on Lean Cuisine and Baskin Robbins. (They cancel each other out).

6. I have issues with the over purchasing of pyjamas, ribbon, lip gloss, Havianas, magazines and Ikea photo frames. Supply well exceeds demand in all these categories yet I can't help myself..I have an insatiable desire for pretty stuff.

7. I once refused a marriage proposal. Thankfully.

8. I have a completely irrational fear of cockroaches. I'm not sure why..could it be because, as a child, my mother referred to them as "man-eaters"? I would rather cuddle a snake than have one of those beastly critters crawl or, God forbid, fly near me.

9. I was, many many many years ago, arrested for stealing a dirty $2 ashtray from a bar. Firstly, I have never smoked. Secondly, I did not put the ash tray in the bag. Thirdly, it was not even my bag I was holding when arrested. Scouts honor, this is fact. And no, my chain smoking thief of a flatmate did not come forward with a confession. Incredibly, it went to court before a judge dismissed it. I still feel dodgy when I recount that tale.

10. I wish I could:

Sing. (My sister got that gene.)
Paint. (Or draw.)
Scrap. (Too much, too fiddly, too pretty - I got overwhelmed when I tried.)
Enjoy excercise. (Blahhhhh)
Think clearly. (It's become apparent I have lost my mind.)
Be more organised. (Jennifer/Carrie/Kate please stop laughing.)
Reply to every email I receive. (There are not enough hours in a day).


And just because my post feels naked without a picture:

Little Miss Showoff.

Easter Schmeaster.

Please tell me it's not THAT day of the year again. Not that day after the previous night where my children have, like wild bush animals in the night, scurried about my house at the most unGodly hours, whispering and fossicking and giggling until the sun finally rose. Could we possibly be the same parents that were giggling ourselves at midnight as we lovingly assembled chocolate baskets and tiptoed around making egg trails? Because we surely don't resemble them, with our matching bed hair, sleepy eyes and nasty scowls, today.

Regular readers will recall my Nightmare Before Christmas - Easter is simply more of the same. I'm certain not even an elephant gun would stop my two from this horrid tradition. I promise, I am canceling all things festive next year. I said this with absolute dead pan seriousness at 4am and Crayton actually laughed, thinking I was joking.

So anyway, here are a few cupcakes I whipped up with 20 mins to spare the other day. **Should anyone hear rumors that, in fact, Kate Austin was responsible for these little masterpieces, that it was in fact Kate who baked and decorated so incredibly, that it was Kate that arranged them on a beautiful stand, or that it was Kate that drove for 40 minutes to get them to me...they are nothing more than just that - malicious rumors.




Here's what happens when the toddler has to wait for her cupcake to be photographed.
Why are people so cruel? (Said with my best Billy and Mandy impersonation.)

Angelica.

Last weekend I went out with my sister to find some new spots to shoot..I told her to "put something on" in case I wanted to run a few test shots. Three hours and a zillion photos later, we'd had an amazing photo shoot, finding the best unexpected locations and beautiful afternoon light.

More than anything though, we had so much fun..Angie is the craziest woman I know and up for anything! It's quite clear she got twice as much self confidence as the rest of us mere mortals which makes her a dream to shoot.

Thanks honey for the laughs. (and for crawling into that spooky gully). What a blast we had.

x

ps: Feelin' Sentimental by The Waifs courtesy of Barb's Good Taste In Music.

A Better Place, A Lesser Place.

In Loving Memory of Isabelle Broadhead

Many years ago, Jennifer began a game. A silly something where you make up a story that is your Xanadu. Except Jen's was "Jenadu". Didn't sound quite as amazing with "Sheyeadu" but still works very well for Soozadoo. We shared tales of living in penthouse apartments in exotic locations, being waited on by maids and driven to Saks by the butler to restock our designer closets. We'd dream up incredible social lives where our feet never hurt in our Jimmy Choos and cocktails were calorie free. I loved playing this game - even when I moved to the Gold Coast we'd still sometimes write down the latest version and post it to one another.

I remembered this game just the other day and realised that if I were to sit and write my Sheyeadu now it would contain nothing more than one line. It's no suprise that my utopia, my every wish granted would just be:

To have Ava.

It's something you can't possibly realise fully until it's gone..that every person out there who has all of their children does in fact exist in their very own Xanadu. We didn't know that our happiness was so completely and utterly tied up in the simple fact that all of our children were here and healthy. That the ability to feel true, untainted joy would also be lost the day Ava left. I can't ever go back and live in that perfect World, I can't ever again experience happiness not tinged with sadness. I didn't know it when I had it and I can't have it now I know what it is.

All I can do is keep sharing what I have learnt..to remind every person out there who does have all their children to just be so, so thankful, to let go of the small stuff and to trust me when I say you have absolutely everything you need.

While these are my thoughts today, I also write them for Danielle Broadhead. Some of you will know of my friendship with Danielle. A year ago, I caught an interview on television with the parents of Isabelle Broadhead, who'd tragically died at 3 years, 9 months. It was the first time I'd seen another family mourning their beautiful daughter, just as we were. The first time I'd seen another precious child lost too soon in such a preventable way. On Easter Thursday, 2006, Isabelle was sitting in a booster seat with an adult belt, as per child safety legislation at that time, when Danielle was involved in a low speed accident. Her booster seat and adult belt was, in fact, the reason Isabelle lost her life that day.

Shockingly, Isabelle is one of many children Worldwide to have died this way. With such selflessness and determination, Danielle and Noel have pushed and fought for legislation to be changed in Australia to prevent this ever happening to another familly. Three weeks ago, they got their wish. Please, please, please go to Isabelle's site, light a candle and learn what every parent should know.

Today is a very difficult day for the Broadhead family. There is nothing that can return their adored daughter to them, to give them back their Utopia, but they have worked hard to make Isabelle's short life mean something great and I believe with all of my heart that Isabelle would be so very proud, just as we all are.

I don't understand why terrible things happen to good people. I can't make it better for Isabelle's parents but I am so thankful that I caught that interview, that I then "met" Danielle and together we have shared such a intimate friendship through a very painful journey.

With love and endless thanks to the Broadhead family for making our World safer.

xx

The Eldest Gets Older.

Luca be nine today. NINE! How on Earth???

We spoilt him rotten and made no apologies. It felt like spoiling all of us :) Presents galore, laughter and song. Too much sugar and even more presents. A really wonderful day.

(**Note to self..anticipation often worse than event.)

Here's the boy himself laying eyes on the electric scooter. I think it was a winner.


I could hardly tell Mason to act his age here when I look across the table and see Grandad opposite him. What hope have I got?


I love that at nine, DC shoes totally rock but so does a shiny new red wagon :)

(Let me admit, I'm not fan of wagon photos. Nor am I a fan of photographing Ivy with a face covered in red drink and Chicco Baby residue.) But I couldn't help catching her being hauled around by Luca...He's been pesting for it for about three years and I've just assumed he'd get over it. Now we have the wagon and he's started pesting to put the guinea pigs in it. Sigh.



So to my beautiful, amazing first born..
Thankyou for being the gorgeous boy that you are..
For being compassionate, kind, for thinking outside the square.
For carrying more than you should, at nine years of age,
and still making me believe everything will be okay.
You make my heart sing.
You make me proud.
Every. Single. Day.

Happiest Birthday To Yoooo.

Mumma xx

Happy Heart {Today I have a..}

Carrie started it! And now I have my very own set of Gemmie Lou custom dolls heading my way! It was so much fun to work with Gemmie and she was so patient while I changed a million details to get everyone just right.

The dress I'm wearing is special to me.. One day, now many moons ago, I was having a major wardrobe crisis (you know the ones) and this dress was about the 19th I'd attempted..As I tried not to implode with frustration, Ava appeared in the doorway and said "Oh Mummy you look beautiful in that dress". I have always been adamant that I will not criticise myself in front of my children but it took every bit of effort that day just to smile and say thankyou! I'm so glad I did, it made us both feel good. I also wore it the day we viewed her so it's extra special, being the last time I saw her, but I really like to remember it the day she told me she loved it.

Thankyou Gemmie, it is something wonderful for me to see our whole family as one like this.

Saturday With Ivy.

Early this morning, while the boys made mud cakes outside, Ivy frolicked in the sun.
A little later we hung out on my bed and she tried out her new beanie. It was a hit.


Don't believe for a moment that she was still...I simply put my camera onto the "toddler" setting, she was just caught mid flight.

I love the pose here. Espescially the toddler tummy.


And as a clear example of life with Miss Two and Charming herself, I've included these..taken three minutes apart.



xx

Time can bring you down.

"Time is a companion that goes with us on a journey. It reminds us to cherish each moment, because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived."

- Patrick Stewart

Time has been a healer, of sorts, in that it has slowly allowed us to adjust to a new normal. It has helped fade the past and blurred the shock between then and now. It happens whether we want it to or not and when I think back to those early days last year, where I begged someone, anyone, to tell me I would breathe again...I guess time has been a bittersweet gift.

There is a price to pay for adjusting even a little bit though. I find there are days I am afraid to think of my darling Ava. She slips into my thoughts and with terrible guilt, I quickly push her aside, so scared of pondering too long and having to realise all over again just what we've lost. I don't mean that I ever forget her, that is simply not possible. I have just found a way to keep her tucked safely in my heart and carry her with me without the engulfing pain that was my constant companion for many many months.

Of course there are still hours where grief finds me and I have no choice but to remember, I mean really remember, and ache and miss and yearn. Where it truly feels like time has not passed and that my heart has not healed one bit. In all honesty, those moments scare me.

When I look at her photos now, I feel my heart race and I stare into her face and wonder if she really was here. I can't imagine she was once beside me and I can't imagine she is gone. If she walked back into the room, would there be an instant knowing, a bond unchanged? Would she run to me?

It feels so long since she's been here.

Time keeps bringing new moments of importance. In a few days it is Luca's birthday. I hate that nothing is as it was, that every reason for celebration is also a reason to mourn. I want Luca to share his day with both his sisters, just as he did two years ago.

I was so proud of her that day. Her dress, the Oilily Smick, was one of her favourites and kept for "good". Carrie & Lisa sent hair bows and clips to match and she had so much fun at his party. I can't help but approach the 17th with a heavy heart, remembering that day and as always, wish wish wishing.

Studio Envy.

I know, I've been so totally slack blogging the past week or so...I'm just, to use my Mum's expression, a very busy yady right now and have not had a moment to take photos, letalone post them. So, I'm beyond thrilled that I have something else to show you!

Over the weekend, Ivy had a play date with Cassidy (known as Cassie Deeeee if you're 2), daughter of my beautiful friend and amazing photographer, Kate from Inhouse Studios.. (Well Kate and Cassidy think it was a playdate, I just sent Ivy around hoping Kate would pick up the camera.)

I don't care how much fun she had on the day, I just care that Kate did in fact take THE most amazing pictures and now I can't stop thinking about where I'm going to put these poster size prints!! It was SUCH a treat to see Ivy photographed by someone other than me - I really got to experience what my clients do - with the biggest set of Mummy Goggles on I just gasped and swooned and sighed all over these. I am in awe of the studio images, it just makes me want to give up natural light and do something just like these! I am in LOVE!

Thankyou thankyou thankyou Kate..you have absolutely made my week and given me hard cold proof that there is no reason why Ivy can't move into your house. (And reminded me why I never hesitate to refer my clients to you when I can't shoot!!!)

This first image totally takes my breath away, it reminds me of something you'd see if there was such a thing as Toddler Vogue.

Kate says she's practicing thumbing a ride for when she's 16. Help.